Blaze of Glory

I’m going doooooown…. in a blaze of glory!

*Strums power chord*

*Breaks power chord*

*Electrocutes self*

Ow…. Maybe I should have taken guitar lessons.

Anyways, this might be a little late, bud considering how long it’s been since I even did a post, too bad.

Farewell to 2014! You know, like two weeks ago now… but still! It’s the thought that counts. That’s what I always say when I forget other things… like… you know… birthdays…. anniversaries…. other stuff….. Thank god for Facebook, I wouldn’t know when anyone was getting older.

Back on topic….

2014 was an interested year. I did a few things I never thought I’d do, did a few things I swore I’d never do (*cough blog *cough) and I did a few things I’m still not certain were a good idea at the time. A short list of accomplishments (and their following failures):

  • I started a blog – and subsequently ignored/forgot/had no idea what to write about in said blog.
  • I finished the first draft of my book – had one person read it then decided it belonged on the shelf to be cannibalized by later works.
  • We moved from a large, mostly conservative city to an smaller, more conservative oil-based city with little more than big trucks and even bigger brutes.
  • My beautiful wife got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy at the end of November, resulting in life becoming some hazy blur of disbelief that this little creature is a product of my… well… loins, and rapid insecurity that I can actually do the job.
  • I got a job that I’m not exactly fond of, in yet another warehouse, but I know it’s for my family and I will do anything for them. Anything.
  • I wrote and finished another book, though this one was rather short, only 47,000 words. Not entirely certain what to do with it, to be honest. I don’t want to scrap the project, but I’m not fully certain where to go with it.

I want 2015 to be different. I’ve already started taking steps. I’m working on a new project, I’m trying to be a person worthy of having a wonderful (if colicky) son, and I’m trying to be honest with myself and who I am.

I have fought with myself about this for a long time, especially when I considered the idea that I would need to eventually get on social media. My parents would tell me to keep quiet, tell me that what I do should be kept private, kept away from everyone else. But that’s not the person I am. I am an open person, I am a person who wants to know what people really think, and for that they have to know who I really am.

Plain and simple then, I am Transgender. Yes, I know that is a rather wide term, but if you want something a more specific I’m afraid I don’t have a label for you. I am a man, was born a man, have the attributes of a man, but I enjoy wearing, feeling, and acting like a woman. I enjoy being treated as a woman, being mistaken for a woman (when I can pull it off). That being said, I have no intentions of actually transitioning – at least not at this moment in time. That may change in the future, but that is my decision, no one else’s. So no hormones, no surgery, nothing that extreme. I always figured that I’d spent the last 28 years learning how to be a man… more or less. I’m not sure how long it would take me to learn to be a woman.

The topic is something I could talk and rant about for hours, but I’m not going to do that here, at least, not today. I wanted to come clean and be open before I go and post something random on here that has everyone going “what the hell is this dude talking about? This ain’t about writing, or about… well… whatever the hell he talks about.”

Anyway, I’m going to climb down from that tiny little soap box I happen to be currently kneeling upon and just say that 2015 is a new year, a new start. For me and hopefully for everyone else. I won’t make any promises on how often I will be uploading this thing, but I’m going to try to do it more.

Until then, have a great year, and good luck with your resolutions.

I’m gonna go learn to play guitar

(No… no I’m not)

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