Progress… and an excerpt

This week has not been as productive as I would have liked, but there were a few things I got done that I’d been meaning to. The biggest thing was to get my draft separated into chapters so I could post it to writing communities. I now have the story uploaded to and the first chapter is posted on Writer’s Network as well. Just look for the user WriterPrincess.

I don’t have much else to write today so instead I am going to post an excerpt from the first chapter of the novel and ask what my followers may think. Enjoy.


“Yes, yes.” The voice snapped and I turned around. She stood in the doorway to the room, looking just as gorgeous as the day I first saw her. She was beautiful, truly, naturally, beautiful, like something straight out of a wet dream. Her face and body were perfect and her violet eyes – I knew – normally fit amazingly with the look. Right now, however, there was such anger in them that it transformed her into something straight out of a nightmare. An amazingly sexy nightmare, but still – a nightmare. “Why did you remove your collar, my pet? Are you so ready to leave me? To leave this?”

“Yes…” I said, stopping myself from addressing her as ‘my Lady.’ I took a deep breath, raised my head, and looked her straight in the eye as I corrected myself. “Yes, Victoria.”

Her scowl deepened and her skin began to grow tight against her bones, turning even paler than normal. No more was she the wet dream made reality, but instead a monster seen only in dark alleyways before she tears you to shreds.

“You dare…” she hissed, her lips peeling back to reveal terribly sharp teeth, a forked tongue sliding in and around them.

“You don’t own me anymore Victoria.” I said softly, nudging the collar farther away with my foot. “I know what day it is now.”

“No one has ever left my service. Whether they signed my contract for a week, a year, or ten, I have never been denied.” She snarled, her skin beginning to glow faintly purple.

“There is a first time for everything.” I told the succubus as she literally quivered with restrained anger. Victoria was a demon, a succubus. She owned a stable of people who served her as slaves, never aging, never dying – unless she wished it of course. “I can’t stay here with you, as much as a part of me may want to.” I added the last in an effort to ease her ire. It didn’t calm at all, but her grotesque transformation did seem to halt.

“What is out there that I cannot give you my pet?” Her voice was sweet and sultry, very out of place coming from her monstrous visage. “In my embrace you have a life free from worry, from hardship, from danger. I have given you the closest thing to paradise that you mortals can ever hope to have. What more could you possibly want?”

“Nothing you can give me.” I whispered, more to myself than to her. What I wanted was the one thing that could never be given. I knew that, but it didn’t make me stop wanting it. “I just can’t stay with you.”

“I saved your life.” she snapped, the fury heating her words as her power swirled around us. She was losing control of herself and I knew that wasn’t a good thing. She had a tendency to rend and tear first and not bother with the questions. “You belong to me.”

“I paid that debt several times over,” I snarled back, my own anger rising to match hers. I knew I was no match for her, not really, but showing any sort of weakness at this point was probably not a good idea. It was true though, she had saved my life. But then escorting a high-ranking succubus through the world of demon politics was as fraught with peril as human politics were. More than once my skills as a hunter had been the only thing that saved us. “I signed your contract and obeyed it to the letter. Today it expires. I am leaving you and you are not going to stop me.”

“And where will you go?” she demanded, “who will take you back? You have been gone for a decade. The so-called ‘friends’ you left behind drove you into my embrace. They will not relish your homecoming. They will want nothing to do with a washed up demon hunter who is so very broken.”

She was right. I was broken. Cracked, shattered, and hit by a semi until I was trailed over what felt like miles upon miles of hard, pointy asphalt. Now that’s an image for you. And, of course, instead of trying to piece myself back together I had made a deal with a demon and hid away from a world I couldn’t be in anymore. Her words resonated in my head and I started to wonder why I wanted to go back, back to the world of the light. Back to people who would probably want little if anything to do with me. I didn’t exactly leave my friends on the best of terms. What would I be going back to after all this time?

The doubts began running full speed through my mind. I could stay, be kept, pampered, honored for my service to my lady. She would never abandon me, never throw me away. She would love me forever and I would serve her forever. Forever. I almost wanted to say yes, to tell her that I would stay with her. I wanted to pick up the collar and put it back around my neck. Fall to my knees and give her the key and beg her to destroy it, to never let me go.

And then I heard the voice again, that voice from my dreams. She whispered my name, her voice so full of love, full of patience, of kindness, tenderness, that I could do little more than hold back the tears that sprang to my eyes. My Lily, my perfect one, my beautiful lady. My Lily with her long ginger hair and silly smile that I couldn’t help but share. My Lily who supported me and looked after me and loved me. She wouldn’t let me stay. I knew I couldn’t stay. The world would be a horrible place without her, but I had to go back. I had to make things right.


So that’s it, I’d love to hear what you think about it and what I can make better. Have yourselves a wonderful Friday and happy weekends.

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